Good day pals and pleased Thursday!
I can’t BELIEVE that one other week has come and gone! What’s the craziest factor is that I’m already 19 WEEKS pregnant! Subsequent week I’ll be midway by means of my being pregnant! Are you able to imagine it?!
However what’s even wilder…is that subsequent week WE FIND OUT OUR BABY’S GENDER!!!
Oh my gosh, I’m simply so excited. Steven and I each suppose it’s going to be a boy. A number of of my pals, in addition to my 4 12 months previous nephew suppose it’s going to be a woman! However we’ll discover out subsequent Thursday!
I believe it’s actually particular that we’re discovering out on LEAP DAY! How enjoyable is that!?
So first issues first, I made a YouTube video sharing my expertise with Covid whereas being pregnant – what I discovered, and a few useful issues.
So yeah, thanks for watching — and for subscribing! That help actually helps me as I’m attempting to develop my channel on YouTube!
So – now for some new issues this week: for the primary time all being pregnant, actually, I had some actually emotional episodes.
And as a substitute of bottling them up inside like I normally do, I assumed I might simply course of on right here, since this house is a stupendous space to be susceptible and share, since many occasions, it seems I’m not the one one feeling this manner.
Anyway – I used to be actually emotional simply feeling like I’m floundering — like I’m missing a function. Which, I do know will not be precisely what involves thoughts when you concentrate on a pregnant lady. As a result of clearly, my rising stomach is proof: I undoubtedly have a function proper now.
However actual speak: being pregnant and an actor means you may have an extremely fruitless season. Until you’re Kerry Washington – enjoying the lead character (Olivia Pope) on a success TV present (Scandal) and so they cover your child bump with huge jackets and outsized purses….you merely don’t e-book something.
Until it’s a pregnancy-specific casting, you’re simply not going to e-book any work. And let’s face it: pregnancy-specific casting has all however passed by the wayside for the reason that birthrate is so pathetically low within the US, and folks simply aren’t having infants anymore. (In actual fact, I learn that diaper corporations are in deep trouble as their gross sales have had an unprecedented decline.)
However that’s neither right here nor there. Suffice it to say, the cellphone has stopped ringing from my agent.
And so, to be sincere, I really feel like I’m failing as a spouse.
My husband, in fact, couldn’t be extra affirming and wonderful, reminding me that I’m rising our baby and that is my job proper now. And he jogs my memory of every little thing I do to maintain our family operating in order that he can do his job to the very best of his potential.
He has by no means as soon as stated something to make me really feel this manner — it’s all my very own mind considering my very own belittling ideas.
Nevertheless it’s been actually weighing closely on my coronary heart. Shedding sleep. Coloring my self price and self-worth. Frankly, I’ve been waging an internal conflict between my ears. And one night this week, I simply broke down in tears.
I used to be speaking with one in all my greatest pals and life-long mentors about this final night time, and she or he jogged my memory that proper now, I’m proper the place God needs me. I’m within the middle of His will: taking good care of myself in order that my physique can develop a powerful and wholesome child that Steven and I created.
She jogged my memory that that is my job proper now, and to only embrace it absolutely. This is likely one of the only a few occasions in my life — and doubtless the final — the place my focus is on myself: my well being, my marriage, my wants for child’s improvement (relaxation, nourishment, hydration, motion), my belief in Jesus by means of this being pregnant, and so forth.
And he or she’s completely proper.
That doesn’t make it any simpler, after I examine my inbox and there are not any audition notifications. However I want to only embrace my position as a spouse and mom proper now.
That, and I’ve additionally been taking a look at different distant work that I can do on this interim whereas I’m not reserving appearing jobs.
So anyway: Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. Have you ever ever had a season like that the place you felt a bit such as you have been floundering?
Have an incredible night, pals. I’ve gotta go downstairs now and make dinner for Steven and I — tacos 🙂
Till Monday!
xoxo Caralyn