With years of experience as a police trainer in both Canada and the United States, Mike Mandel has equipped countless law enforcement professionals with skills in defensive tactics and verbal de-escalation. In one of his most important lessons, he taught a powerful yet simple technique known as the ‘string sentence.’
Although originally designed for police use, this technique can revolutionize how you handle conflicts in everyday life. In this blog post and accompanying video, we’ll explain how you can start using it.
The Challenge
Picture this: You’re a cop and you’ve got a guy in front of you, boiling mad and ready to throw punches at his brother-in-law. Jumping right in physically isn’t always the smart move, especially when words are supposed to be your first tool out of the toolbox. This is the part where verbal skills become crucial.
The challenge is real—how do you calm things down with just your words when every part of you might be ready for action? It’s about finding that knack for using speech not just to talk, but to de-escalate a ticking time bomb.
The thing is: When someone’s up in arms, they’re looking for a bit of sympathy—someone to get where they’re coming from. So, you might start well, saying, “I get why you’re upset… BUT…” And that’s your mistake – that sneaky word “but.”
It might not seem like much, but it’s like saying everything you just acknowledged doesn’t really matter. It’s a classic mistake. This single word can undermine the trust and rapport you’re trying to build, making the other person think you’re not really on their side. Avoiding this mistake means tweaking how we respond, keeping that connection strong instead of cutting it short.
Demonstrating the Technique
Let’s put this into action with a scenario that really brings the point home. Imagine you’re dealing with someone who’s at their boiling point because they feel constantly provoked by someone close to them. Picture our agitated man again, fuming and blurting out, “I’m gonna teach that jerk a lesson. He’s always bugging me!” This is your cue to use what you’ve learned.
First, you mirror his words back to him to show you’re really listening: “I get that you want to teach him a lesson because he’s always bugging you” This step is crucial because it shows you’re paying attention without immediately judging or correcting him.
Next, here’s where you switch gears from the typical “but” to “and.” You might continue, “And let’s see if we can find a way to deal with this that doesn’t end badly for anyone.” By using “and” instead of “but,” you keep the door open. You’re acknowledging his feelings as valid and moving the conversation toward a productive resolution rather than dismissing his emotions.
This simple tweak in language keeps the agitated person engaged, reduces defensiveness, and shifts the focus from confrontation to resolution. This approach doesn’t just defuse a tense situation; it transforms it into a constructive conversation where both parties can feel heard and respected.
Switching “but” with “and” might seem like a minor change, but its impact on your communication is huge. By validating someone’s feelings and then shifting towards a solution with “and,” you create an environment where the other person can feel validated and understood.
This skill, while simple, is incredibly powerful and can be applied in various aspects of your life, whether in personal relationships, professional settings, or even in high-stress scenarios like those faced by law enforcement. It’s about more than just avoiding escalation; it’s about creating positive outcomes through skilled communication.
Join Us
Want to master this and other transformative communication techniques? Enroll in the Mike Mandel Hypnosis Academy (MMHA) today. While MMHA is primarily a hypnosis course, the communication skills you’ll learn are invaluable across all aspects of life.Whether you’re dealing with a stressful family dinner, a critical negotiation at work, or want to enhance your overall ability to influence and persuade, the strategies you learn at MMHA will serve you well.
Don’t wait—transform your ability to handle conflicts and influence outcomes effectively. Join us at MMHA, where you’ll master the art of hypnosis and communication not just to entertain and persuade, but to empower and improve lives.
Click here to start your free Test Drive now.