Do you feel consumed with the problems of your loved ones to the extent that you don’t take the time you need for yourself?
Maybe you’re worried about their health and well-being. Or the decisions they want to make. Perhaps you think that their decisions aren’t good enough, that you know better what they should do and that they should listen to you. Worst, maybe you worry about them day and night.
Sometimes worrying about a person too much can do them harm! It can undermine their confidence or put them in the position of having to take care of you and your feelings instead of being able to listen to the dictates of their own hearts. Remember that everyone has their own path. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t care! And, of course, if you see your loved ones continually getting themselves into trouble or hurting their own health or reputation with their choices, you will be worried. That’s natural.
But sometimes the best thing you can do is let them make their own mistakes. You try your best, offer love and support, and even say the hard stuff they need to hear. But at the end of the day, the choices they need to make are THEIRS to make.
Meanwhile, how is YOUR life going?
The benefit of spending less time obsessed with other people is having the energy to tackle whatever is holding you back from achieving what you wish in your own life. In fact, if you’re codependent enough, you may be using your concern for other people as an excuse for not facing your fears about going after your own hopes and dreams. It can be shocking how these two issues often interrelate!
Why am I writing about this? Well, I participate in a group about flower essences where people offer each other support and advice, and I am shocked by how often people in the group are asking about what flower essences to use to fix someone else who is an adult and not asking for fixing! It comes up all the time! And they get interesting suggestions until one of the more experienced members of the group intervenes and offers excellent advice about taking care of their own feelings instead. And then a week or so later, someone asks a similar question again. I suspect it’s hard to grok how taking care of yourself could lead to anything good for the people they love.
I think of the 12 Step program when it comes to this—specifically the Serenity Prayer:
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
Sometimes you have to let go, let God, and return your focus to the one thing you CAN change: yourself and your own behavior!
There are many flower essences to consider but here are a few that seem most applicable:
This is a great flower essence to use if you are excessively worried about other people. It can help you find your own inner peace. And that can lead to you emanating compassionate and peaceful thoughts for their well-being instead of undermining their confidence with excessive anxiety and fear.
This flower essence is for when your need to take care of other people is how you unconsciously derive your own self-esteem and attempt to fill your own desire for love. This might not be apparent to you until others reject your advice or refuse to live up to what you want in return from them, but then you are oh, so mad, hurt and resentful! Chicory can help you love and value yourself so you can eventually give freely from a place of unconditional love when appropriate. Without the feeling of loss or desperation driving your behavior, giving (and receiving) love comes naturally and easily from a place of ease and abundance, kindness and caring. It helps you allow others to choose their own path, go their own way, and choose how much time they spend with you with an open and free heart.
People who need Centaury try so hard to please and take care of other people that they get taken advantage of and wind up worn down and exhausted. Dr. Edward Bach called them “kind, quiet, gentle people who are over-anxious to serve others.” But that can actually lead to them neglecting their own personal mission in life. Centaury can help such people have the inner strength to help when called for but say no when it is appropriate. Instead of doing all the work for others, it encourages others to stand on their own feet more and help themselves.
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Flower essences are used to assist with mind-body-spirit interactions and individual results may vary. They are extremely dilute which makes them quite safe. But because so little physical substance can be detected in a flower essence solution, these products are presumed to work on an energetic or vibrational level—something that cannot be adequately tested by western scientific methods. Claims made by me, therefore, are based on personal experiences and the evidence of the combined multiple decades of case notes by Dr. Edward Bach as well as Healing Herbs and Flower Essence Services (the companies who make the ingredients I use in my products). This is not, however, accepted medical evidence or substantiated scientific evidence from a modern allopathic point of view. I am not a medical doctor or licensed healthcare practitioner.
Statements made have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. The information provided on my blog, websites or by this company are not a substitute for a face-to-face consultation with a health care provider, and should not be construed as individual medical or mental health advice. Consulting with a health care provider is a must for anyone taking medications or working with a medical or mental health condition, and highly recommended before using any herbal product. Please consult your doctor or health care provider for any possible contraindications and/or interactions with current medications. I trust you to seek the medical guidance you need to use any of my herbal products healthily at your own risk.