Thanks for all the sort birthday messages final week!
I had a beautiful weekend. Steven took me to a beautiful dinner on Friday night time, after which threw me a celebration on Saturday with a small group of our pals! What a man!!!
I’ve been making my approach via your candy notes on Thursdays submit — thanks!! My coronary heart is so heat.
Shifting gears…
I used to be reminded this weekend, simply how stunning restoration actually is, and the way God has delivered me from a spot of true darkness.
I used to be getting a “birthday manicure” on Saturday, and as my nail technician was working away, she goes, “Wow, your nails are so sturdy.” Then simply 5 minutes later, (they provide you somewhat shoulder therapeutic massage whereas your nails dry), and so she put my hair up in a clip, and he or she exclaims, “Wow, you could have a lot hair! It’s so wholesome!”
And sitting there, I simply type of laughed to myself, remembering that that’s not the way it has all the time been. And in that second I mentioned a fast thanks to God for completely and fully restoring me from that place the place my hair was actually falling out from malnutrition.
My complete senior 12 months of highschool — and freshman 12 months of faculty — after I had extreme anorexia, I had about two inches of peach fuzz on my head as a consequence of being so nutritionally depleted. At 78 kilos, the well being of your hair and your nails tanks, because the physique goes into hunger mode, preserving its minute assets for the physique programs most significant to maintain you alive.
I bear in mind simply wanting within the mirror at the moment and feeling, not simply hideous, however unhuman. Unfeminine. I went from having luscious, curly hair that was so thick it will break rubber bands, to one thing out of a horror movie, a la Gollum.
His deliverance is a gigantic blessing, and a present I don’t take calmly.
Maybe not coincidentally, I additionally bear in mind again to that point, and remembering the determined dependence I had on God. For every part: For my subsequent breath, for making it via the subsequent second. For comforting me in my fears. For sustaining me in my despair. The closeness I needed to God throughout that very exact season of the early phases of my restoration at inpatient — that closeness I felt with God — the place I might really really feel His presence, and listen to His voice with precise phrases or verses to lookup, or simply little reminders of encouragement after I was weight restoring…I miss that. I miss that closeness. I miss that dependence. The way in which I felt I used to be actually enveloped in His sturdy arms.
I don’t miss the circumstances that introduced about that closeness, however I do miss the intimacy I had with God throughout it.
Maybe that nail tech’s feedback about my nails and my hair, on my birthday, have been God’s little approach of reminding me of the journey we’ve been on collectively.
Maybe it’s Him calling me again to His sturdy, loving arms as soon as once more. Calling me to truly sit and relaxation and be sustained in Him, as an alternative of my present relationship with the Father the place, I hate to confess it, I hardly ever make time exterior of church for Him, and after I do pray, it’s by no means for myself, however just for different folks. It’s like I’ve put a wall up round my coronary heart, for concern that opening it to Him — and consequently to myself, too — may reveal some issues which are painful, or issues that I don’t need to face.
Wow – this submit is everywhere in the map. However that’s type of my present state of issues.
What I do know is that God has by no means deserted me. He’s all the time there, and reminders of His presence – His love, His deliverance, His grace, forgiveness, and mercy – these reminders are proper there: even your fingernails. It’s as much as us to note and reply.
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“That is what the Lord says to those bones: I’ll make breath enter you, and you’ll come to life.” Ez 37:5
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