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It has been confirmed that people who find themselves optimistic and have increased ranges of optimism stay longer than those that don’t. However is it attainable to have an excessive amount of positivity? Can an over-the-top optimistic mindset truly do extra hurt than good?
Sadly, the reply is sure.
However when does positivity turn out to be a problem and what are the qualities that may make it probably poisonous? Allow us to discover the 5 qualities of poisonous positivity and the way you could be endlessly chasing a state of everlasting happiness.
You Could Be Questioning…What Precisely Is Poisonous Positivity?
Poisonous positivity is an try and be in a state of everlasting happiness.
It’s as if the individual is a strolling optimistic affirmation, and it doesn’t matter what trauma could also be happening of their lives, it’s nothing however “good vibes solely.”
Relatively than honoring their struggling, a poisonous optimistic individual appears caught on the intense aspect, irrespective of how darkish issues may very well be. Sound acquainted, but?
Now, don’t get me unsuitable. There’s a very VERY skinny line right here between wholesome positivity and optimism and poisonous positivity.
So to assist distinguish the 2, I’ve provide you with 5 qualities or traits of poisonous positivity to look out for. Consider these as warning indicators that your optimistic mindset could also be turning poisonous!
The 5 Qualities of Poisonous Positivity:
As talked about above, think about these qualities warning indicators that your optimistic mindset could have overflowed right into a state of toxicity.
1. Avoiding Something That Is Painful, Uncomfortable or Tough
The primary high quality of poisonous positivity is that it’s a operating away from one’s self or one’s life. On the onset of something that feels uncomfortable or tough one feels a powerful must do away with it. The so-called “unfavorable” emotions are seen as “unhealthy”, and rituals, habits or behaviors come up to be able to rapidly eradicate them.
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That is like any person who wakes up within the morning and feels the slightest bit of tension and rapidly sages the entire home, then takes a shower in important oils, whereas holding rose quartz crystals to their coronary heart chakra, all whereas repeating optimistic affirmations of their thoughts – actually attempting every thing and something to exorcise the disagreeable emotions away.
It’s not that what the individual is doing is essentially an issue, however fairly it’s the compulsion to instantly rid oneself of something uncomfortable and have it rapidly changed with a “optimistic” feeling that makes it poisonous.
It’s virtually as if there may be an obsessive want to flee as rapidly as attainable one thing that might be seen as “unfavorable” (extra on this later!).
Generally we expertise issues and lows. It’s all a part of the deal, and it’s not needed or helpful to fake in any other case.
I used to have a good friend who was a life coach that I loved discussing my life with till I began to note how every time I used the phrase “drawback,” he needed to obnoxiously interrupt me and say with an enormous, Stepford-wives smile, “You imply alternative!”
Now, don’t get me unsuitable. I’m not disagreeing with the truth that the issues in our lives may be alternatives for studying and deepening our religious follow, however in obsessively having to interrupt me for calling my issues what they have been on the time – actual issues – I not solely felt dismissed, but in addition felt as if he was not honoring my struggling.
Relatively than compassionately listening and assembly me the place I used to be, he was forcing his optimistic considering mindset down my throat. It was not useful or comforting.
When you have a bit of shit and also you paint it with vivid colours and sprinkle glitter on it, it’s nonetheless shit. So why not let shit be shit? Let my drawback be what it’s – an issue! We don’t must wrap it in optimistic, religious wrapping paper to make it fairly.
Generally issues simply suck and are laborious. Generally we expertise issues and lows. It’s all a part of the deal, and it’s not needed or helpful to fake in any other case.
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2. Closely Based mostly in Worry and Aversion
No matter it’s, it frightens them to the core and due to this concern, they attempt to escape these emotions as rapidly as attainable with a cliche inspirational quote or perhaps a smile.
The unhappy half is, when left unacknowledged, this very ache or tough emotion turns into the driving pressure of the poisonous positivity, and the concern of experiencing that ache solely exacerbates it.
So, out of concern of feeling what we’re feeling, we expend all this pointless power attempting to run away through the use of positivity, which not solely disconnects us from ourselves, but in addition diminishes our capability to domesticate emotional maturity and retains us from studying the best way to relate skillfully to our struggling.
I keep in mind vividly having a poisonous positivity second in my very own life based mostly on this high quality of fearing what’s painful. I used to be in a remedy session in school, sharing among the painful life experiences and up to date struggles I used to be going by way of. Unbeknownst to me, I used to be explaining all of this with an enormous (in all probability creepy) smile on my face.
In fact, the therapist known as me out on it and immediately the facade got here down, leaving me with the extraordinary emotions my smile was attempting to cowl up out of concern. It was a sobering second for me, realizing how afraid I actually was to indicate the true me, which, on the time, was not all smiles.
I used to be stunned at how laborious it was to not smile when expressing my ache – a toxically neurotic behavior I’ve hopefully let go of!
Poisonous positivity just isn’t solely characterised by concern of what we’re feeling, but in addition one’s deep aversion to it. Now don’t get me unsuitable, I’m not saying all of us must “like” our struggling the identical means we like lengthy walks on the seashore or snickers ice cream bars, however we don’t need to have such a powerful attachment to our aversion towards it both.
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Aversion has the qualities of operating away and of not eager to look, and it’s this obsessive turning away and unwillingness to acknowledge our ache that turns into the difficulty.
And once more, it’s essential to bear in mind right here that every one 5 qualities of poisonous positivity should be current to ensure that positivity to show poisonous. There’s nothing unsuitable with having an aversion towards tough emotions. All of us have that. Who desires to really feel shitty? I absolutely don’t!
Simply because we don’t like experiencing sure disagreeable components of being human doesn’t imply we’re a poisonous optimistic individual.
However fairly after we don’t like one thing and we’re afraid of it, and due to that concern and aversion we really feel we should rapidly escape from it and canopy it up with one thing glad or optimistic, that’s when it turns into a problem.
3. An Excessive Type of Denial
The subsequent high quality of poisonous positivity is that it’s normally a type of excessive denial. It’s after we grasp on to that inauthentic smile or these Eckhart Tolle quotes and optimistic affirmations as a method to deny our struggles and fake that they’re not there, that there begins to be a problem.
It’s after we imagine that if we simply drown our ache lengthy sufficient in rainbows and unicorns it can by some means magically go away.
Denial is actually life-denying and positivity turns into poisonous after we use it on this means – as a technique to spiritually bypass the tough facets of ourselves and our lives. This denial can flip into disregarding issues, dismissing emotions and even selecting (aka faking) happiness.
It may be expressed with sayings corresponding to, “It might be worse” or “All the pieces occurs for a motive.” Relatively than embracing and opening to the struggling, poisonous positivity denies it fully as if it’s no large deal, and even worse, as if it merely doesn’t exist.
However as poet Jennifer Welwood as soon as wrote: “Every situation I flee from pursues me; every situation I welcome transforms me; and turns into itself reworked; into its radiant jewel-like essence.”
If we proceed to make use of positivity as a method to deny our emotions, we are going to discover ourselves operating from it – at all times uneasy, at all times desperately greedy the non permanent aid and at all times nervously on the cusp of falling again into our ache.
However we will’t run away from ourselves eternally, and if we proceed to disclaim our ache, we additionally deny our probability for deep therapeutic and transformation, which is what a mature path of follow is all about – shifting towards our struggling and changing into intimate with it, fairly than operating away from it.
4. Dualistic
The fourth high quality of poisonous positivity is that it’s typically grounded in a dualistic view of life. That is after we are caught within the dichotomy of fine vs evil, optimistic vs unfavorable, proper vs unsuitable. It’s after we break up the world up into opposites, shedding the potential for true stability and equanimity.
This demonizing of the disagreeable and painful facets of ourselves creates pointless stress and places us at struggle with regular, pure components of our humanity.
Even worse, we begin believing that sure feelings are “decrease” and should be transcended to be “religious”, additional fragmenting ourselves. It might turn out to be very exhausting and painful trying to always beat back the darker components of our persona.
Once we flip our “interior demons” into one thing that’s not imagined to be there we miss the chance for them to information us to the precise place we’d like therapeutic and loving consideration. Bringing the darkness into the sunshine may be very totally different than beginning an all out struggle with the darkness.
With a view to really feel complete and full, all facets of our humanity should be included, skilled and honored. But, for a poisonous optimistic individual, the tough feelings and emotions seem to be a curse or a punishment; as if this stuff weren’t imagined to be a part of their life.
They could really feel like if solely they did the suitable model of meditation or repeated the suitable affirmations these “intruders” can be eradicated and by no means present up once more. However sadly, this isn’t the case.
5. Inauthenticity
No life is ideal. No life is free from struggling.
And to behave like nothing bothers you and that you just don’t have issues in your life, or that you just’ve by some means magically transcended all of them, comes off as phony. It makes different people who find themselves struggling really feel like they should be doing one thing unsuitable, and places you, the “religious grasp,” above everybody else.
A really optimistic individual understands the ache of life as a result of they’ve totally explored their very own.
This isn’t what residing a optimistic, religious life is all about. A religious follow doesn’t make you particular. Actually, a real religious follow will make you, as zen instructor Charlotte Joko Beck typically used to say, “nothing particular.”
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Pretending that nothing bothers you doesn’t make you tremendous realized; it makes you detached and disconnected out of your humanity. A really optimistic individual understands the ache of life as a result of they’ve totally explored their very own, and this permits them to be deeply empathic and compassionate to others who’re additionally in ache.
It feels real and genuine as a result of it’s coming from being weak, one thing {that a} poisonous optimistic individual is frightened of.
Say Good-Bye to Poisonous Positivity and Howdy to Authenticity!
Little doubt, wholesome optimism and a real optimistic outlook is a good way to stay a life. However, positivity should be grounded in actuality. It should perceive the reality that if it arises, it belongs; that even the disagreeable experiences are a part of the deal on this incarnation.
Certain, issues may go out typically, and it’s, after all, more healthy to incline the thoughts to suppose this manner, however we should additionally perceive that typically issues don’t. We have to face the details that ache is part of life, that we get indignant, anxious and depressed typically, that issues change and finish, and that life doesn’t at all times go based on plan.
A really optimistic individual is spacious sufficient to carry all of it.
These are all regular and pure components of our lives. With this clever understanding the tough facets of life don’t turn out to be the enemy nor are they seen as “decrease” issues that solely “unawakened” individuals need to take care of, however as an alternative are understood as a part of the ever-changing dance and circulation of this one uncommon and valuable life.
A really optimistic individual is spacious sufficient to carry all of it, whereas nonetheless being type, compassionate and in contact with their deepest values. It’s solely by opening as much as all of life, fairly than splitting it up and warring with the laborious components, during which they’re able to do that in an genuine means.
So hold a watch out for these 5 qualities of poisonous positivity, and should you discover their presence see should you can start the method of letting them go to permit for a very optimistic life.
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