“Sit with it. Sit with it. Sit with it. Sit with it. Despite the fact that you wish to run. Even when it’s heavy and tough. Despite the fact that you’re not fairly positive of the best way by. Therapeutic occurs by feeling.” ~Dr. Rebecca Ray
It’s July 2022 and I’m in the course of a pink tent at Shambala Music Competition in British Columbia.
I sit elbow to elbow, knee to knee, coronary heart to coronary heart with a bunch of girls who I’m assembly for the primary time.
It’s scorching and we’re sweaty.
A instructor is main a therapeutic womb meditation, and he or she prompts us to establish an individual that has induced us ache, in order that we are able to launch that individual and the facility they wield over us.
I’m arising brief, pondering…
“Nobody has induced me any actual ache.”
“I don’t have any actual trauma.”
“The ache I’ve skilled isn’t unhealthy sufficient.”
So I directed my therapeutic power to 2 associates who I believed had been in want of extra therapeutic than me.
I immediately realized what I used to be doing. I used to be defining my associates by their perceived abundance of ache and trauma and defining myself by my supposed lack of ache and trauma.
I knew in that second that this was most likely not honest to my associates or to me, however this mind-set had been acquainted to me all through my thirty-two years of residing.
Over and over, I’ve discovered myself feeling responsible for the truth that I don’t suppose I’ve any “actual” trauma.
I come from a steady house with dad and mom who love and assist me. Rising up, I had every thing I wanted and most issues I needed. I’ve a giant brother who is without doubt one of the greatest males (greatest people) I do know. I grew up in a middle-class a part of Maryland. I’ve white pores and skin in America. I can see, hear, and transfer my physique.
I used to continually surprise how the challenges I’ve skilled may presumably stack up in opposition to these of my associates. She who skilled the deepest sexual trauma at a younger age; or she who had an alcoholic father who was bodily and emotionally abusive; or she who’s often profiled when she walks house to her condominium due to the colour of her pores and skin.
Or how my challenges may stack up in opposition to college students I’ve mentored…like a ten-year-old boy from Syria whose legs are adorned with shrapnel scars; or a fifteen-year-old boy from Eritrea who was a baby soldier; or a sixteen-year-old younger lady who’s the caretaker for her sick mom and 5 youthful brothers and sisters.
Fortunately for me, and for you, I’ve indifferent from my wrestle story that my ache will not be sufficient. I’ve realized fairly a couple of issues and shifted away from this unhealthy mind-set about ache and trauma.
First, I’ve realized, and can proceed to re-learn, that there isn’t a competitors for who has suffered probably the most. Trauma and ache are usually not a comparability recreation.
All experiences, feelings, and emotions are legitimate. And all of us get to apply empathy for and consciousness of the experiences and heartache of others, and of ourselves.
I’ve additionally realized that individuals are not outlined by their trauma.
And I’m deeply sorry to the folks in my life who I’ve ever outlined on this manner.
My closing studying is that the issues I’ve skilled are legitimate and sufficient to warrant my very own empathy, therapeutic, and love.
Like…
The numerous occasions having intercourse with a earlier associate, regardless that I didn’t wish to, as a result of it was simply simpler to associate with it. Which resulted in a interval of my life the place I actually didn’t like intercourse. I advised myself, it’s not that huge of a deal, it’s simply intercourse.
The stress from a good friend to fiddle together with her boyfriend whereas she watched. Despite the fact that I mentioned, “I don’t wish to.” I advised myself I used to be simply being a prude. This must be enjoyable. What’s flawed with me?
The grabs and gropes on the road, within the membership, on the bar. I advised myself this simply got here with the territory of being a girl.
The undesirable contact and advance from a good friend. I advised myself I’ll simply neglect this and transfer on.
The disgrace of one-night stands, regardless that I knew he, whoever he was, felt not disgrace however one thing extra akin to glory. I advised myself it was my fault for having a one-night stand. I introduced this disgrace upon myself
All of those experiences, and extra, have been buried deep inside me for years and I had barely been conscious of them, till not too long ago, as I’ve launched into a really intentional journey of self-excavation.
For me, this journey has included meditation, prayer, journaling, somatic therapeutic, and experiences just like the one within the pink tent.
I launched into this journey pondering I’d unpack a couple of insecurities and transfer on with my life with relative ease.
However what has truly occurred is that I’ve uncovered so many hidden treasures in myself.
These treasures are typically within the type of previous ache. Different occasions they take the type of nuggets of concepts that I buried way back for a wet day. And but different occasions, they’re within the type of issues that I used to like as a baby however forgot about as I grew up and was advised by the world what I used to be supposed to like and who I used to be imagined to be.
And now I get to excavate even additional to see what every of those treasures is right here to show me. For those I shared above, there’s a clear theme of sexuality, and that theme has led me to deep dive into this house with myself. This seems to be like self-pleasure, dancing bare within the mirror, loving each a part of my physique, and talking my needs out loud to my associate.
This journey has plunged me into the depths of my very own darkness. And in that plunge, I’ve been reminded of my very own energy—of my capability to bask within the darkness, all whereas figuring out I will likely be okay.
I additionally get to remind myself that I’m sufficient. My ache is legitimate. I’m worthy of taking over house.
Guess what. The identical goes for you, love.
About Teresa Towey
Teresa Towey is an introverted healer, instructor, and wild lady. In love with the earth. Reclaiming her sensuality. Granting herself, and also you, permission to really feel pleasure. Teresa guides ladies in returning to their wild, visceral natures by connection to the physique and the earth. She has a particular curiosity in serving to ladies reside in alignment with their menstrual cycles. Comply with her on Instagram and DM her to schedule a free 1:1 session.