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Coping with the ache of change

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Coping with the ache of change

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leaves changing

The opposite day one among my meditation college students wrote, asking for some recommendation. She was having to downsize and transfer right into a smaller residence. And this meant that she couldn’t maintain on to a few of her household heirlooms, like her mom’s wedding ceremony china. It additionally meant that her teenage son wouldn’t be capable of proceed residing together with her. That final half was notably painful.

So I wrote the next in response:

Pricey X.

It’s laborious to let go of issues, and to have relationships change, so I can respect why you’re struggling.

The modifications you’re going by are distinctive to you, even when others have been by related experiences, so I provide the next solely as stuff you would possibly take as a place to begin to your personal reflections.

Is there something you’re wanting ahead to concerning the transfer? It is likely to be you can deal with issues like creating extra of a way of simplicity in your life, or creating a brand new area round you that helps aspirations you could have. If there are issues you possibly can stay up for, then specializing in these would possibly assist shift your perspective concerning the transfer.

Mockingly, I discover myself with an excessive amount of “stuff” in the intervening time. When Teresa and I moved in collectively, we ended up with duplicate furnishings. Some we removed, however we ended up with two eating tables and no room for both of them, and they also’re in storage in our basement. I look within the basement and see all of this muddle, and I typically assume that if all of it disappeared sooner or later I in all probability wouldn’t discover for weeks, since I infrequently have a purpose to go down there, and that if I did occur to stroll into an empty basement I’d be at liberty! So actually we should always eliminate all that stuff, however except we have been shifting once more there’s actually no motivation to take action.

Anyway, I do like to consider the liberty and lightness that comes from not being burdened by issues I’ve however don’t use. I don’t know if that’s one thing that you might additionally embrace.

I typically additionally take into consideration the truth that sooner or later I’m going to die, and that, as they are saying, you possibly can’t take it with you. Who would have your mom’s wedding ceremony china when you’ve handed away? If there’s nobody apparent who would take it, then you definately would possibly take into consideration what the distinction is between giving it away now and it being given away when you’re lifeless. Benefits to passing it on now (even to strangers) can be that you simply’d know another person was having fun with it, that you simply’d given them this present, and that you simply’d be accountable for the place it goes. When you die, none of these issues can be attainable.

With regard to your son, I ponder if you happen to might consider sending him out into the world as a person? Is there a way you might construct as much as ritually or ceremonially marking and celebrating this transition in his life? I can think about, for instance, that it will be pretty to create a e-book of knowledge teachings (perhaps accompanied by pictures of the 2 of you) that would information him as he goes into the world and stay as a tangible file of his transition. One thing like that may offer you a optimistic focus that mitigates the struggling of the change.

As I mentioned, I’m simply throwing some concepts on the market. I’d be actually fascinated to listen to what you give you your self.

What has helped you get by painful intervals of change? Why not share within the feedback beneath.

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